Saturday, July 31, 2010
All i can say is that, I HAD FUN TODAY
to all the J1s who made this day possible, thanks for everything, without u all, this day would not have been possible!!! thanks for all the effort u guys put in!!! :)
so this day started weirdly, i wanted to go intense studying in the morning, but failed ttm :( at least i did something constructive, attempted chem paper 2 and did vectors qns for math lec, though i don see the point in doing cos the lecture's by some teacher i don like, and i think he cmi, he lecture me vectors and complex numbers, i end up understanding nothing, lucky got ppl like ms bok to help me thru :)
staje farewell started great, cos we started by eating!!! been waiting for this day for a long long time, when we j2s did this last year, i wondered what will happen to mine, i would have never expected today to be so freaking fun!!! :)
eat, then gave out my cards, though i feel damn paiseh about it, cos meiyen gave clear folders, compare my cards to them, i felt a bit pasiseh lor, haha, but still gave it out in the end :)
played charades, and i owned my qn, i needed to act out the movie despicable me, all i need to do was to do what the trailer has, and the j2s just took 1 second to guess it out, i owned the lot!!! :)
then the j1s gave something also, love it, it's a lot of goodies and with a card, best of all, the card is in orange!!! yeah :)
played this game called 'I've never done that before', well, today is the first time i played that, and what i said that i nvr done before can't be said here, haha :)
went home in shannon's car, thanks for giving me a ride, thanks :)
need to sleep early, gonna have to work tmr :)
today's events are heavily summarised, i know, but what's impt is that these memories will last forever, i hope it last forever
and what i really felt was that during the time when melissa and jia yin gave me the present, i almost cried, cos i was rather touched by their efforts, i was touched by the J1s efforts :) thanks seriously!!! love u all!!! :)
i wish all the J1s all the best in the promos and pw, all the J2s the best in As
lets all work hard and make staje proud!!!!!
JIAYOU!!!!!! :)
::11:52 PM
Friday, July 30, 2010
hmmmmmm......
so i went to tried chin-ups today at the easiest bar, the shortest one la, and i'm still stuck at 4 :(
tried to go for a 5, but at most is a half, and 4 1/2 does not round up to 5. :(
but what was nice is that even if u fail napfa, u will make some friends, those that fail la, and they will support u till the end.
well, i also support a lot of ppl lor, and when i think about it, the pe dept was right in their success stories, and i hope to be a success story too...
i wanna clear napfa and treat my friends to drinks!!! :)
originally, i would have offered to treat u if i passed napfa, but right now, given my cowardness,i think is no hope liao la, but ur words of encouragement did helped me, helped to motivate me a bit, so, thanks, from the bottom of my heart :)
can't wait for tmr :)
can't wait to see my juniors
i hope my phone can take as many pics as possible
i wan the last memories to be as awesome as possible... :) :) :)
love STAJEWORKS :D
说我不会想你, 是骗人的. 说我忘了你, 是在骗自己.
每次看到你, 只会想到自己的无能.
我很想说你好, 但我不敢.
眼前有一个机会, 我却选择避开.
我只能说自己是白痴.
我还能翻身吗?
::10:46 PM
Thursday, July 29, 2010
hmmm, gonna blog about what happened these past 2 days :)
yesterday (wednesday):
had career fair day, well, to be honest, the university talks were boring, well, partly helped by the not switched on aircons in the audi, thanks a lot, now who has the mood to listen... -_- and for me, it's always the same, every uni talk i heard so far never talks about NIE, so, i switched off, as usual
but after the talks, went for respective career talks, NIE talk was a joke, i thought is a talk on school teachers, it turns out that it was on preschool teaching, nothing wrong with that, but i don like it
the MOE talk is seriously the talk that i had wanted for the past 3 years, now i really know the pathway to my future career. and yes, don't be shocked, i wan to become a teacher, it;s the satisfaction that u get when u taught someone, when u know that u had made a difference in others, i think i'm ready, i'm firm. I WANT TO BECOME A TEACHER, and i think i won't change that target for now
thus, signed up for some teaching internship programme that may happen next year, in JAN, and that means i cannot fail napfa now, if not my internship will be pushed back by 2 years, argh, i don wan that -_-
thus, my path currently is:
a levels -> Internship (hopefully) -> NS -> A uni degree -> NIE -> Teaching!!!! :)
thus, i wondered, what degree should i take in UNI? I think i may take business, it's like the back up option for me, and shld one day i decide to open a tuition centre on my own, this business knowledge may help me
THUS, I NEED TO START STUDY NOW!!! I NEED THE GOOD GRADES TO KEEP THE OPTIONS AVAILABLE. maybe i could take something else other than business, but i need good grades
luckily for me, the study mode is back, 0109 is now serious, my clique is getting serious, ok, rephrase, the guys are getting serious, the girls are alr serious, and looking at how we are so on when it comes to studying after sch, i just wanna say, let's go 0109, gonna fight on all the way (though a littlebit of fun in between is still important :D)
however, i will not lock away my ds, as suggested by some. DS=My 'wife', i don wan a divorce :)
today (thursday):
so it was lessons as usual, today is tutorial day, and for the first time, today seems to be the first time that a thursday has been so meaningful. it feels good to have done the econs work seriously and u listened seriously, although my work was done badly, screwed up the case study :( 5/17!!! sian la, lowest in class so far, hoping the essay helps me boost my grade
and GP was fun again. like Bridge 1 lectures now. at least i feel that it is meaningful for me and i'm learning something
chem and math was as usual, good. when u have 2 senior teachers who are so damn good, first u will feel damn shiok, but then, u will wan to do well so as not to let them down, they had made a difference with their good teaching, i wan the As to repay them...
gonna study econs test later, though i know the qn liao, one point to note is that econs is the only subject that u can fail even if it is an open book test. hope i don end up like yesterday. say what wan to start work at 10 plus, end up started only at 2320 and ended at 0050, sian...
加油, 我行的!!! 只要肯努力,就一定会有回报. 现在努力还不迟,好过你现在还在半梦半醒的状态, 是时候该读书了. 不能象几个月前的我, 不做功课, 不专心, 不上进. 豁出去!!! :)
::10:01 PM
Monday, July 26, 2010
haix...
took napfa retest again, this time, i did better leh, 4 chin ups, but only one more to go, and i totally sian-ed diao when i couldn't go up for the final pull, sian la,
actually, (this is a fact), aj ppl are nice, the students are nice, and it is damn easy to form brotherhoods, after all, yours truly is the chairman of the napfa failures group, and i hope to step down soon, go for it!!! JIAYOU
AND I'M GONNA SAY IT HERE, IF I PASS NAPFA, I WILL TREAT THE NEXT 2O PPL TO DRINKS THAT CONGRATULATE ME FOR MY PASSING. COS I'M HAPPY. I ONCE THOUGHT THAT PULL UPS ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME, WHEN I CAN PULL UP THAT FIRST PULL, I WAS SO SHOCKED+ELATED!!! NOW, I'M JUST ONE MORE AWAY FROM MY GOAL
THEREFORE...
gonna spam my gym visits now, tmr gonna go gym, i wan to clear this by next week, i can smell success
to be true to myself, during the initial stages, u were partly the motivation for me to pass my napfa, u said before, better not go in early, i still remembered, and i myself also don wan go in early... so, yeah, GO FOR IT!!!
so lessons wise, today rain in the morning, wanted to sleep for the whole day, but cannot... :(
and phy was really awol, at first, i was paying attention, then i started playing with my GC, forming all sorts of patterns with my friend, so, end up still not paying attention to physics...
die la, if this goes up, my phy die liao, but phy is like so cheem, i just cannot remember the past topics not like chem, which is much easier for me...
so, gonna work hard now, maybe shld revise phy now, cos its like, long long forgotten liao... -_-
gonna work damn hard!!! JIAYOU!!!
P.S. CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS SATURDAY!!! THIS SAT MAY WELL BE THE BEST DAY EVER DURING MY TIME AS AN AJCIAN!!! :)
::9:54 PM
Sunday, July 25, 2010
haix, i have lots of work to do lor, instead of wasting my time here,
but i have things to type here, i love my blog :)
today: same same lor, give tuition, return home, play ds, eat dinner, use com, do homework, sleep later
WHAT A MUNDANE SUNDAY, SO PREDICTABLE, SO STANDARD, SO NO-LIFE!!!
other ppl's sundays are for fun, my students' still can have fun after my lessons, but my sundays alr half gone liao
hmmm, shld i stop giving tuition, but i have the self-commitment to see them thru their final year exams. if i had stopped, where would my A-level fees come from, i need this income lor, cos i foresee a possible spending spree after As, need the $$$$$$$
right now, sch is so boring, countless revision times pracs that's gonna take away lots of my time!!!!!
i have lots of things not done, and i need the after sch time!!!
there's still the one thing i haven do, something i have to do by the end of AJC life, once i did it, it
could mean that i have seen thru everything...
need to do gp work later, gonna give up on phy liao, at most, just read thru and let my mind go AWOL during tmr's lecture :)
do u hate me? i really hate myself now...
i hope it's not referring to me, i'm scared it is
normally ppl say i think too much
hmmm, i hope so, thinking too much normally brings about a good ending for me
please, one opportunity, and i will cash in
::11:10 PM
Friday, July 23, 2010
hmmm, shall blog about today...
today first lesson, econs, for once, i thought that time passed by rather faster than usual, usually it's like a torture session for me, haha, maybe because i'm listening seriously today la, at least i did my work before the lesson and was not rushing it like a day before :)
chem lec was doing mcq, ok la, nvr study, just see how lor
phy was normal, planning qn screwed up ttm, 2/12, imba la :)
math lec!!! PISSED TTM!!!!
although ms bok was the lecturer (she makes things clear :D), some idiot(s) dare to hang the pe attire out to dry on the chair, depriving others of a potential seat, worse still, they like no sense of guilt lor, stupid+selfish idiots, wanted to throw their pe attire at them, but don wan to dirty my hands in the process -_- ka ni na, those idiots, ok, i understand why they have to sit in our rows assigned to my class, cos of the restructuring, i understand, but at least don dp something so disgusting la, just leave ur pe attire out there and let everyone see it, lucky no smell, if not i guai lan that idiots ttm liao.
shall not say who these ppl are, cos i scared if i describe them, it may cause a verbal war. even if i am a selfish person, i think i won selfish till the extent of depriving others a seat ba. i may get whacked up la. Hmmm, heng ah, we locals aren't that selfish :)
after sch, celebrated the bdays of july babies. actually is only baby, cos it's just su hui's bday, and gigi has alr left aj, anyway, it didn;t matter, the blueberry cake was a bit small la cannot give teachers, haix -_-, but anyway, thanks for the cake :) it was nice :)
after that, the clique went out to eat, yippee, it's been a long time since the clique went out, long time since we can eat out and talk lots of cock. wish we can have more of these days, maybe can la, cos there will be a lot of days when we stay back for those freaking lec. tests, then got a lot of spare time in between, maybe can...
but i think i cannot go lor, if got chance, i would rather choose to study in sch or go gym just to train myself, i don wan the 2 month holiday in army, i rather imprison myself at home :)
in summary, today not bad la, good mood today, not so emo like last friday... :)
::10:42 PM
Thursday, July 22, 2010
sometimes, i fantasise to a huge extent, cos i fantasise a lot of things, a lot of scenarios, a lot of what-ifs, just so much till my brain can burst liao
i think about many ppl and start to think about my past...
it seems so wonderful during sec sch, strangely, i think that when i was in amkss 45/08, i seem to be able to confide my troubles to my friends, regardless of male or female friends. right now, i just have the feeling that there is a barrier surrounding me, and i just won't tell everything to ppl around me, it's not their problem, it's my problem. though i talk a lot, it really doesn't mean everything......
thus, one wish of mine is to go back to sec sch life, but seeing how many ppl are enjoying life now (well, that's what i think) not everyone may share the same thought as me...
in the past, whenever i failed, i take the 'i don know what happened' strategy, pretending that nothing has ever happened
right now, maybe i have to resort to this
maybe i shld be just a bit braver, say hi to you during phy lec (or any other time when i see u)
but will u say hi back, maybe u will, but in the very 勉强 manner, then u may just hurry off
or if i sms u, u may just ignore it, or reply also in a 勉强 manner
i seriously wan to pour all my troubles
but my personal barrier is preventing me from doing so
in sec sch, this has nvr been the problem
now, it is...
也许我可以当妳是陌生人,但是一想起妳, 我会感到难过. 一看到妳, 我会感到很无助. 我想鼓起勇气跟妳说话, 但是, 我害怕, 我怕你的反应,会让我更难过.
我真的不想这样, 但是...
妳会知道我的感受吗
也许妳根本都不在乎
对, 应该是这样把, 你(不需要)在乎...
::9:50 PM
Monday, July 19, 2010
haix, lets tell myself all and all over again
"I am a loser..."
and again, and again, and again......
nowadays, i keep thinking about u, but so what, everytime i think about how u said that i have made u so suffocated, these 4 words come to my mind everyday. i wish i have lots of courage, enough to make me go up to u, and thrash things out, but that would mean suicide right??? u said it will take some time, but ur replies are, well, dead. compared to the past, which are lively, this saps the motivation to sms u, plus ur fb page, i don wan to end up being the one that pesters u, i really don wan, so, ppl can say it's just a small problem, that's because i nvr told them the big picture. when u don know, it's best not to say...
seriously, now whenever i see u, it really feels like a lot of knives piercing through. i really wan to let u know how i feel, but if i sms u, what if u think i'm pestering u, like a psychotic stalker. i really don know la... it all lies down to knowing ow a girl thinks, but then again, who knows? it's really like a brick wall, and i keep banging my head onto it...
on a side note, i may not say it, but i appreciate ppl who truly care, no matter how small the care is, it's better than nothing.
every year, same old mistake, same old conclusion, same old story, same old sadness, but why is this the saddest so far?
i think, because this time, i've gone all out, but still reached the brick wall and my destiny of being a failure
will u ever get to know, how much i truly care about u
how do i strike the fine balance between being concerned and being a pest???
i really don know......
save me...
may i find this ans, in somewhere i belong
alone... -_-
::9:16 PM
Friday, July 16, 2010
hmmm, today...
got back results slip, and it says
GP 56% C
Econs 18% U (:D)
PW B
Chem 54% D
Math 66% B
Phy 48% E
Rank points: 56
haix, shld have done much much better, after looking at the tests papers and my silly mistakes, but i must say, i exceeded expectations for GP, and i'm now in bridge 1, woooooo, and bridge 1 lecture was so exciting, i may now start to look forward to thursday for GP lecture lor, but then again, the teachers say they gonna split the bridge 1 into 4 groups, into groups of about 45-46, and i'm rather excited to see which people i'm group with, preferably with people that i know, and not some weirdos, haha lol
and i played soccer today after pe, as keeper, sian... wished i can play as a defender more, i wan be a better defender
and watched sleague on tv and it was a great match, 7 goals, shiok to the viewers :)
but then again....
as the week comes to a close, i've been doing a lot of thinking recently
seriously, i am someone who always repeat the same mistakes over and over again, that makes me a repeat offender right, and repeat offenders receive heavier and heavier sentences right, so, that means i shld be given the death penalty like, long long time ago liao right, and yet, i'm still alive, what does this mean, this means that i've been living on borrowed time for a long period liao lor, living on time that doesn;t belong to me, and whatever u borrow, u have to return... that includes time.........
seriously, i really hate life now, i;m always screwing things up, i;m always causing great friendships to be in jeopardy, i'm always causing problems for myself, this is simply 自作孽!!! 自作孽是我咎由自取, 不值得同情.
i hate banging my head into the brick wall, knowing that it will hurt, and please, all i wan is a chance, people always tend to keep the chances away from others, come on la, everyone deserves a second chance, right???
i;m starting to resign to the fact that my destiny is true. the outside is noisy, enthu and happy, but i am the greatest pretender alive, being in pretence is perhaps the thing i do best. u pretend to be happy, with nothing going wrong. i've been pretending for so long, it's like a day job......
right now, based on the current situation, there is nothing else worth staying for, having lived on borrowed time, i think it's time to return it. the earth will still revolve even if there is one less person, so, whether i go doesn;t make the difference
because u give me the cold shoulder and avoidance, it just aggravates the wound, and the wound just keeps on getting larger and larger, hurting me more
destiny depicts me to be a loner, evidence supports it... 6 boys in 0109, 3 have partners, 2 have scandals, 1 has absolutely nothing, i'm always cut out and isolated from such nonsense, why me......
fro past till now, it;s always been cutting me out whenever possible, i don wan it, but u know u will suffer it, cos destiny cannot be avoided, unless u can face it head-on.
nothing worth staying for...... goodbye world...
::10:00 PM
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
sometimes, u don know what u wan in life, maybe, when u see what others have, u also wan it, all these years, i seen too much, seen until i lost track of my goals.
i really thought this time is time, when i finally can make it, but yet, failed again, maybe is because u see others having it too easy liao, minds unbalanced le
from now on, i have to keep everything to myself le, nowhere can i vent it out le, this is after all, my destiny, to be alone and solely alone
not even a chance
hmmm, should be la this has been with me for 18 years
don be envious of others
but say is easy, do is difficult
so how lehfollow destiny lor
::11:31 PM
Saturday, July 10, 2010
haix, today played keeper at interhouse socer tournament
started so well la, clean sheets for 2 matches, well, that's because i have john terry in front of me, i practically did nothing, but semis conceded 1 goal, thought i covered the angle, but my hands touched the ball, but still went into top corner, sian la, if nvr concede that, and maybe we could win on pk, and i would be in finals liao lor, idiot la, nvr cover the angle,
then 3rd-4th placing was worse, for me la, conceded 2 very sloppy goals, first goal went thru my legs, second goal was a blunder, rubbish la, i dam cui for that match la, sian ttm
but is the experience that counts ba, at least i played, hmmm, i shld try being keeper more, though i wished i am a better defender
haix, i seriously need to do work soon, weekends seems to be always draining me away, how???
anyway, is it really true that my ds is causing my grades to drop, i don know, though i think not ba, i hope it's not la :)
::11:01 PM
Friday, July 9, 2010
this week has been a sibei rotten week for me
i sibei suai this whole week la, due to my stupid actions, it's like self inflicting pain, again... and i need a lot of time to mend it...
but when u are down, it's normal for ppl to push u even further, cos i'm guilty of that too. and karma wil strike, it struck this week, and it's all self-inflicted,
when u are down, ppl will puhshu down even further, further weighing u down to ur failures, making u think that u could really be a failure, u will be kena anchored by ur past, unable to make it free and embrace the whole bloddy truth, when ur luck is down and out, how the heck do u get out, u can't right, or can u?
i don know la, life's been damn sucky recently, recent results seems to have an impact on eme, finally. when i see ppl sweating over results this year, i still am like don care don care, but when i saw this mid-year, although i passed chem and phy, i saw my answers, and i first thought, ka ni na, what the heck, why my answers so many wrong, shldn;t be that bad ma, and i have to face the bloddy truth that i'm just not good enough, now even my math dropped, and i can be honest here, I'M DAMN FUCKING DISAPPOINTED WITH MY MATH, 70 SIMPLY IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, MY CUSHION NOWGONE LIAO, AND I;M DAMN PISSED BY THAT, I;M NOT SUPPOSED TO SCORE LIKE THAT, THIS IS WAY BELOW MY EXPECTATIONS, and then u realised, expectations could only serve to be the anchor that keeps u trapped in the past, trapped in ur failures, and when pp remind u of ur failures, it's ouch X 10000000000000000
i'm losing my bets to ppl. my luck is turning for the worse, i don wan to believe in destiny, but do i have the freaking choice?
i wan to change my luck, every year, term 3 of school serves as my darkest periods, last year.s blackblack incident, this year's lose marks/trees seperate incident, bad things just keep crashing to u at one shot, and i have to relate it to my karma, others karma came, mine just arrived...
then again, maybe, I'm destined to be a loner who camouflages among the crowds. no one truly understands me, cos even i don understand myself, how to know me???
destiny is there, u can't change it, being alone maybe isn't that bad, since it's destiny decreed.
i promise not to suffocate u again
give me just one chance, i will cherish it
i wan back the times where we can just talk anything under the sky
i don wan to see u so painful
cos i really care
ur response, no matter how insignificant, keeps me going
::10:02 PM
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
i get it now, sorry.
i hope u see this, i am really sorry
i understand le, won't happen again :(
::9:23 PM
Friday, July 2, 2010
yeah, exams are over, aiyah, only mid years ma, no need so serious
so when get back results, lets see how bad we do
although i can safely say that my econs is my best bet, for the lowest score, come, who wan bet on econs, lower score wins, like that i sure win liao la :)
haha, watched twilight today, cos pamela had free tickets, although she only had 4, then had to buy 2 more, then 6 ppl share the cost of he two tickets, so i watched eclipse for $2, and it was boring, 1, i don know anything about it, so i gong gong de, next, it's 80% romance la, i expected more action, more fighting, well, no thanks to its trailer, 3, there's gonna be a 4th movie, haix, no wonder like no ending one, 4, ppl in my cinema are obviously jacob+taylor fans, started cheering when he appeared, lol, k, he has 8 pecs, win liao lor -_-
the start of long weekend, i desperately wan to go out, i don wan to coop mself at home, another movie perhaps..., i really wish for another movie, i wan watch ip man !!! :)
the various attack patterns
like very hard to reach to the destination
how!!!???
i need a good layout of the situation
then proceed with intention
and attain glory
::9:44 PM
