Friday, July 9, 2010
this week has been a sibei rotten week for me
i sibei suai this whole week la, due to my stupid actions, it's like self inflicting pain, again... and i need a lot of time to mend it...
but when u are down, it's normal for ppl to push u even further, cos i'm guilty of that too. and karma wil strike, it struck this week, and it's all self-inflicted,
when u are down, ppl will puhshu down even further, further weighing u down to ur failures, making u think that u could really be a failure, u will be kena anchored by ur past, unable to make it free and embrace the whole bloddy truth, when ur luck is down and out, how the heck do u get out, u can't right, or can u?
i don know la, life's been damn sucky recently, recent results seems to have an impact on eme, finally. when i see ppl sweating over results this year, i still am like don care don care, but when i saw this mid-year, although i passed chem and phy, i saw my answers, and i first thought, ka ni na, what the heck, why my answers so many wrong, shldn;t be that bad ma, and i have to face the bloddy truth that i'm just not good enough, now even my math dropped, and i can be honest here, I'M DAMN FUCKING DISAPPOINTED WITH MY MATH, 70 SIMPLY IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, MY CUSHION NOWGONE LIAO, AND I;M DAMN PISSED BY THAT, I;M NOT SUPPOSED TO SCORE LIKE THAT, THIS IS WAY BELOW MY EXPECTATIONS, and then u realised, expectations could only serve to be the anchor that keeps u trapped in the past, trapped in ur failures, and when pp remind u of ur failures, it's ouch X 10000000000000000
i'm losing my bets to ppl. my luck is turning for the worse, i don wan to believe in destiny, but do i have the freaking choice?
i wan to change my luck, every year, term 3 of school serves as my darkest periods, last year.s blackblack incident, this year's lose marks/trees seperate incident, bad things just keep crashing to u at one shot, and i have to relate it to my karma, others karma came, mine just arrived...
then again, maybe, I'm destined to be a loner who camouflages among the crowds. no one truly understands me, cos even i don understand myself, how to know me???
destiny is there, u can't change it, being alone maybe isn't that bad, since it's destiny decreed.
i promise not to suffocate u again
give me just one chance, i will cherish it
i wan back the times where we can just talk anything under the sky
i don wan to see u so painful
cos i really care
ur response, no matter how insignificant, keeps me going
::10:02 PM
